Betrayal By An Attachment Figure

Dr. Barbara Steffens, in her book “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse,” notes that when we are in the process of developing primary relationships we form belief systems about how we fit in, how safe we will be, and how we will be treated by our significant other.

Dr. Steffens recognizes the research done by Nancy Collins and Brook Feeney which suggests that, as humans, we may define attachment quality by Proximity Maintenance, Separation Distress, Safe Haven, and Secure Base.

When these elements of attachment are breached a trauma wound can occur and we feel the sharp pain of being torn away from our sense of self and reality. This injury, or relational trauma, strikes at the core of our being and sends the primal scream of fear searing through every cell and system in our body.